


A Good Bye

by Kasz



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Closure, Diary/Journal, F/F, POV First Person, Post-Break Up, suyoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:13:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28749024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kasz/pseuds/Kasz
Summary: Years after their break up, Yoohyeon accidentally met Bora. Their conversation was brief but somehow, it left a train of feelings inside her chest. To memorize this moment, she put it into her journal. Something that she hadn't done in a long time.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Yoohyeon
Comments: 12
Kudos: 16





	A Good Bye

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Suyoo world.  
> *evil laugh  
> Also, this is kinda new for me, but here's my inspiration for writing this.  
> [Kodaline - Moving On](https://youtu.be/UZNceoFaPfU)  
> You can use it as a theme song while reading.  
> As always, ignore the grammar. English is confusing.

She threw her bag on her bed and plopped herself down. A second of silence and her mind already drifted away to the earlier event that day. She crossed her arms, hugging herself, trying to find some comfort in the chill evening of November. A loud sigh echoed in the silence of her room. She walked to her wardrobe, looking for comfy clothes for her to change into. An old grey sweater on top of the drawer caught her eye, and she pulled it out. Unknowingly, she pulled another object down and it fell with a thud on the floor.

She picked it up, forgetting about the sweater that's half-hanging on top of the stack. It was a journal, her journal. She dusted it off and brought it to her work desk, feeling the worn-out edge with her fingers. Then, she opened it. There weren't many entries in the simple light-brown pages. Mostly, it consisted of her boring days after she graduated from college and her first couple of months together with  _ her _ .

Her eyes scanned the scribbles of her writings and she unconsciously smiled. Suddenly, a drop of tear fell in the middle of the page that she was reading. She leaned back to prevent another drop of tears to ruin the pages and wiped her eyes using her sleeve, leaning in again to continue her reading. Joy, excitement, longing, pain and sadness swirled inside her chest, mixing into a feeling that she couldn't put into words. She sat quietly and occasionally swept away the tears from her cheeks.

Immersed in her story, she didn't realize that she reached the end of her entries. A blank page laid out on the table where she put her journal on. She stared outside her window, to the vast darkened sky devoid of stars. Time surely had passed since then. Since the last time she touched this journal, since the day she graduated, and since the last time she had her happy memories, with Bora. Why did these train of events come storming at her in the span of one day? No amount of preparation could make her ready for these. 

She stared at her journal once more. Her head was empty but full at the same time, a feeling like when you were sitting in a crowded space alone and the world kept moving around you. And she decided. Muffling her sobs, she grabbed a pen from her faded blue pen case and started writing:

  


_ November 21st, 2020 _

It's been years, hasn't it? It's been years since I last saw your smile. Since I last heard your 'good night'. Years that went by without you by my side, years with you clouding out my mind. Years that I thought will wash away all of your memories, but only a scrape of it that gone, everything was still here.

I saw you, I finally saw you there. I missed you. God, I didn't know I miss you this bad. Your smile was still the same, the crescent shape that I used to love. Your bright eyes shone like pain never touched it before. Your voice was slightly deeper, mature, but it has the equal glee that it used to have.

You greeted me first. You remembered me. My heart soared high, like the burden that I carry my whole life was lifted momentarily. 

You asked me those 'how are you's people usually do when they saw someone for the first time in a long time. You asked me how was my life since you weren't there to witness it. You asked me as if I was the person who never mattered to you. Because if you did, you won't even talk to me like that, not with those small talks that we hated the most.

My lips were smiling, but my heart was not. You didn't notice or you prefer not to. It was okay. I was okay, or so I thought.

The memories of us were flooding my head, painfully drowning my sanity. The memories when we first met. Your bright shining eyes lighted up my dark path, gave me new hope, offered me a new smile. You were my sunshine once. You were my solace. I grew attached to your beautiful laughter and your warm embrace.

You painted my blank, sorrowful canvas with your colourful paints. You painted it with the colours that I never knew existed, the colours that only you had. You stared at me like I was something more than a mere mortal, the weak, spiteful creature that I sincerely hated. You loved me, you made me loved myself, you made me loved you.

It was like a fairytale when everything was happy as the ending came. Like a fairytale, where everything couldn't shatter us and what we had. Like anything can't drive us apart. But like every fairy tale that I knew, they were never real.

I can't, or rather didn't want to, remember that part. I don't want to remember how we were slipping out of each other's grasps. Slow but steady, like the fading colour of our shirt, unnoticeable but suddenly we knew that the colour wasn't the same as it used to be. Just like those times, we made love endlessly but as time went by, the passion slowly faded out.

Those sweet words, waves of laughter and vibrant colours of the paints slowly lose their charms. It became dull, bitter even. The 'I love you's were replaced by the simple 'bye's, kisses replaced by the bitter smiles. The bickering changed into fighting, the whispering into shouting. We were simply fading, withering. 

We knew, but we tried to ignore. Hanging simply on the belief that things would be better, that we could understand each other. But we didn't.

We sat in deafening silence, only the clock dared to shout. We knew the conclusion of it all, the next step that we had to take. But we were cowards, betting against each other of who's gonna be the first to speak up. The breath that we unconsciously held, our rigid bodies against the cold iron chair and the lump in our throats we involuntarily bear, were silently yelling our answer.

You spoke up first. Your shaky voice echoed in my ears. I saw you in pain, but I wasn't any better too. You finally said it, you exhaled loudly. We were in pain, but we were relieved. This was what we wanted, wasn't it? Yes, we agreed on it. You left that day. I told myself that this was the best, that it would be okay, soon I would be. I buried 'us', or rather hid it, in the corner of my mind.

We were jaded, worn out. We grew out of love, and that's okay. I was, trying to be, happy. I tried to find someone new. But I always end up comparing them to you. It was later that I realized, you were the best I ever had. 'If only's started to flood my head whenever the thoughts arrived. If only I loved harder, if only I stood firmer, if only I was braver, would you stay? It was unfruitful, of course. You were long gone. I let you go. We let each other drift away. I've moved on, or I thought I had.

Now, you smiled as beautiful as ever. The pain that I caused had faded. You still had the love in you, but it wasn't for me anymore. You proudly announced to the whole world that you had a new universe, a new love.

But it wasn't me. 

In a way, I was glad. The guilt of causing you that pain had disappeared. You are happy, and I should be happy too. A smile masked the stung in my heart.

Thank you. Thank you for the time that you took to crush my walls, for the colours that you painted on my canvas, for the love that you poured in my empty glass.

"Goodbye."

Your last word was all that I needed to heal. We smiled, a sincere smile to finally let go from the painful past. 

***

  


With the last stroke of her pen, she closed the journal and broke down.

**Author's Note:**

> SO, how was it?  
> This work is a converted and imported work of mine. I wrote this with no pairing in mind but I added more things to fit my new interest (read: Suyoo). I hope you like it.
> 
> N E wayz  
> Give me your thoughts, I'd love to hear about it.  
> Bye for now, ma fellow Suyoo enthusiast!


End file.
